joshua is a homeless man.
joshua wasn't always homeless. but his choices led him down a path he can't seem to fight his way out of. addictions led him here. addictions that he hates but also loves. addictions he clings to.
no matter how much sleep he got the day and night before, joshua is always tired. and it's summer; the sun exhausts him even more. during the days he does what he can to make it by... survive. he sits in air conditioned places for hours even if he gets cold because he knows when he goes outside he will not receive relief from the burning sun. he takes naps on park benches because he's bored out of his mind and nothing else will pass the time.
joshua thinks to himself, "sleeping on a hard surface with just no give makes your body hurt in ways you didn't expect." his bones push up against his skin and bruise him. he has no fat to protect his body from his own bones. the simplest tasks become the greatest challenges because of the pain and exhaustion. his motivation is practically non-existent because his exhaustion debilitates him. still his addictions debilitate him too. joshua is exhausted... emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually.
he's grown used to the hunger pangs, so much so he forgot the genuine feeling of hunger. his stomach always seems upset because he is so malnourished. you don't see a pound of apples on the dollar menu... but still, he talks about his favorite food with his friends and about how when he makes his way out of this hole the first thing he's going to buy is a big fancy meal. he tortures himself with that dream. such a simple sounding dream but he clings to it; he doesn't have much else to cling to anymore.
he thinks, "how unfair that i eat rice when the people next to me eat steak." joshua walks down the same street that the richest walk down. in fact, he lives on this street. literally on that street. he can't wrap his mind around why his has a penny in his pocket and the person sitting on the bench next to him is closing on a $500,000 house. he thinks about his family. he didn't grow up with much either but his family is still considered to be among the wealthy. he wishes he hadn't messed it up but instead of confessing it, he blames someone else to avoid the next step after confession: repentance.
he can't remember the last night he felt safe. the good night's sleep when he wasn't clinging to his things in fear that someone might steal them. he can't remember uninterrupted sleep. sleeping like a rock means nothing to him anymore. but he's always up early, on to the next bench. moving around give him a sense of purpose.
he sees people turn away from him, flash him a pity smile. people look uncomfortable around him, they look afraid. he smells. his skin is dark, not by pigment but by dirt. his hair and skin are greasy but it feels almost normal to be greasy by now. he bathes in public fountains. he can't stand being around himself because of the smell. the dirt is caked on because it mixes with the sweat. he wants to feel normal for a little while. he wants to feel a little more clean. everyone stares it him. they laugh. any shred of dignity as a human being falls away. people don't talk to him, they don't even look him in the eye. they judge him. they think he is a leper. joshua is hurt by this, but after a while he becomes used it.
he notices that dignity stands in the way of him and a meal. so despite the way his heart pounds in his throat when he asks for food or money, despite the looks of disgust people give him when he asks, he does it to survive. he hates it. but he loves it. he's grown to love it. manipulating, he feels, is the one thing he is good at. he forgets his real talents. people have led him to believe that he has nothing to offer. heck, if he can't even get someone to look at him square in the eye, what is he worth?
joshua, the same man he has always been, feels like an alien in his own skin.
but that is not who joshua is. joshua has likes, dislikes. he too has a favorite movie, i don't know what it is but i know he has one. he has dreams and aspirations. he's talented. more talented than people would ever expect. he can draw. he's good at science. it intrigues him. he is actually quite brilliant; more brilliant than he even knows. he is handsome. he has a laugh that makes you want to laugh. makes you want to cry. his smile, though hidden by teeth that haven't been taken care of for 10 years, is one in a million.
i think he believes in something bigger than him, what "it" is he's not sure. not sure whether to trust "it" and to run away. not sure whether "it" thinks of him with love or hates his sinful self.
joshua has a family. one that has loved him for 28 years. one that he thinks rejects him.
it wasn't always like this for joshua.
joshua has worked himself into despair. his addictions give him a temporary sense of comfort... they make him feel better for a bit. they take the edge off. they help him forget. but the deeper he dives into them, the more his world crumbles below his feet. his addictions have turned on him. joshua becomes more desperate. instead of humbly asking for love he demands attention. this hurts the ones who love him. their love is too weak. they are not strong enough to love him more than they already do. they are mere humans.
but it kills them.
joshua feels alone. he feels outcasted, yet entitled. entitled to a home. entitled to love. but still entitled to his addictions. what joshua doesn't know is that his family cannot love him the way his Father can. he has never heard psalm 136:2 which says "God's love endures forever." maybe someone has said it to him but he has never heard it. his hope (what's left of it) is fixed on the world. that is why when he falls, he falls hard. that is why the people who love him continue to fail him. that is why he is angry. that is why he feels rejected. for too long he has believed man can give him what he needs. for too long he's relied on himself, his family, the world. what good has that done for him? his hope is running out. it becomes more and more temporary. what can the world give him that God can't?
who will show joshua that his family is weak but God is strong? his family wants to have compassion for him, but the years have drained them. the years have tainted their relationship. and his family hates that. they feel guilty that they can't give him what he needs. they feel as though they have failed. they feel like they must be bad people if they can't even show enough love to their own flesh and blood. they're being subjected to hopelessness. the world tries to make them believe they are bad. who will tell them otherwise?
who will help joshua to fix his hope upon the Lord? who will have compassion for him? who will reach out to joshua? and how? what is the best way? what way will move him the best? what way will change his life? joshua needs something real. not a brochure. not a business card with the words, "Jesus loves you," on it joshua needs someone outside his situation. as much as his family wants to save him, they're inept. or at least, that's how they feel. who will help joshua see this?
this is why we are called to minister. because of joshua and millions others whose hope is about to run out because it is not fixed upon the Lord.
this note is not written to endow guilt. everything read here that joshua goes through day-to-day is what i experienced during a poverty simulation i went through while on summer project in new york. each affliction or trial i experienced i connected to joshua in my mind. he is a real person that is not going through a poverty simulation. homelessness is his life... for right now. i have a faith so strong that God will pursue this young man as his son and reinforce his worth. i believe that one day, joshua's story will be a testimony to faith. an awesome testimony. one that will inspire and help others. will you pray for that? will you believe in that? and will you remember the thousands of other joshuas? they are not all addicts like him. some have been laid off, some have been abused. some have been handed chance cards that aren't make believe; they are real life and have pulled them under.
pray that joshua's addiction is replaced by the hope God's salvation brings! what joshua has never heard is that Christ already defeated his addiction on the cross. maybe someone has already told him that, but he's still never heard it. pray that he hears it.
and pray for his family. they feel lost in the situation too.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
authentic experience
indeed it is, an authentic experience. one that has changed me, is changing me, will continue to change me in the future by the provision of the Lord and my heart that is. i never want to leave this behind. this isn't going to be just something i did. it will be something that is always apart of me. praise Jesus for that!
it has been a while since i've shared what i have been doing besides ministry... it would seem like life is already busy with that... but i'm in a city that never sleeps, therefore neither do i.
friday june 25 is the last time you heard about... here's what has happened since.
on saturday we walked around the village (yes- i am officially a new yorker, i know what the village is. if you don't- google it =P). it's such a cute part of the city, very trendy, very overpriced. we hit up washington square park where the hippies used to hang out- they still do. but there were people there sharing the word and the gospel with others which was cool. people seemed to be engaged in the hymns one group was singing. it was such a classic new york place to be. we walked passed used books kiosks (which i'm dying to stop at one of these days...) and basketball courts. we eventually wondered over to the east side and passed nyu. and then all of the sudden we were in front of our destination... latter 33 =) jamie's dad is a firefighter in california and so he hooked us up with some firefighter friends he met while helping out with the aftermath of 9/11. this was such a sensitive subject. the guys definitely didn't want to talk about it... who can blame them? it is so much more real here in ny than it is anywhere else. the grief is palpable. i feel a deeper sadness being here than i felt the day it happened. anyway, the guys showed us around the firehouse, they were happy to have us there... despite the fact that we were acting like tourists. they were such nice men, i've never been realized how much i admire their strength and courage. we continued on our not realizing that we were in the east village (my favorite neighborhood). oh man, did we have fun checking out all the vintage shops down there. it was so fantastically new york. for dinner we ate some venezuelan empanadas (mmm...)
i am absolutely falling in love with my team. each of these women (...and nathan!) are so unique, have such passionate hearts and are growing tremendously. you know, for so long i have felt like i've needed to "catch up" with my christian friends. i've let myself believe i'm below the curve but in reality we're all growing and learning and struggling. that's what makes us so beautiful. God has used this trip to show me that i am right there with them and they are right there with me.
on sunday we went to bethel assembly of God church in harlem. now, this was a honest to goodness gospel church. the 'choir' consisted of about 6 women and 1 man and they could belt out a tune with more power, force and strength than my high school choirs all put together could. and that's not including the members of the church in the seats with us. i thought someone in the crowd was going to break out in a solo. they even welcomed us so personally. they all got up out of their seats and sang to us, shook our hands, hugged us. i've never felt more special in a church service before. what a concept, eh? we have been showered with appreciation from young and old, believer and nonbeliever, black and white since we've been here. they say new yorkers don't do what you all are doing. my response to that is confusion. it would wear on me to walk passed suffering everyday and pretend not to see it. i couldn't stay here with that mindset for long, i'd never last.
i have come to love our monday night meetings (MnM). it is a time when all of us from tribeca get together, hear about each other's ministries and make new friends. we also worship during this time and get to reflect on what God is up to in New York. this week we talked about confession and repentance which was an awesome topic to talk about because it is something i tend to put on the back burner. the staff here at tribeca have the biggest most humble hearts i have encountered. their stories and lives are incredible testaments to God's love and grace.
i was sick on tuesday =( i spent the day sleeping mostly. i spent some legit time with God. last week i was reading Hosea which seems very appropriate to read while here in the city. i find so many connections between Israel and New York City. both disobedient, both struggling but both dearly loved by God despite all of this. God promises us that He will never let go. He has such genuine and endless compassion for us even when we're running the other direction.
thursday and friday were awesome to say the least. sy rogers (if you don't know who he is you need to go to syrogers.com right now) came and talked to our summer project. he has an amazing story of how God pursued him and lifted him up to be an inspiration to thousands. long story short he used to be gay and the Lord called him into a life that now glorifies him and reaches the unreached. he talked about the things no one wants to talk about but we all deal with: sex. it was uncomfortable, embarrassing and strange. wait scratch that. it was incredibly convicting, comforting and enlightening. i have never felt less ashamed of my struggles in my life and i am now equipped with the knowledge to confront and attack them. and i feel like i have some insight as to how to minister effectively in this area. if you want to know more about it, just let me know. he covered a lot of information and it would take forever for me to write it out here. seriously, let me know if you're interested! or just hit up his website too.
if you ever come to new york go to s'macs in the east village. it's on east 12 st. between 1st and 2nd avenue. seriously.
on friday we went down to the battery and walked on the promenade. we wondered up to ground zero and stood in the world financial center for a while and looked over the construction site. the world trade hotel was just completed. i'm thinking it's going to be at least another 5 years before the new tower is done. they are going to make a beautiful memorial there. i look forward coming back to ny to see it. that night we took the staten island ferry at the most perfect time we could have: sunset. and to make it even better, God was showing off that night too; the sunset was breathe taking. check out my pictures, i think you'll agree.
i am going to miss this city tremendously. i have grown so used to the traffic and people and sights and buildings. coming home to trees and quietness is going to feel so strange.
saturday was such a fun day! i went to central park with nathan, nichole, katelyn, sara and alisha. we went up to 72nd street and central park west which is where john lennon was killed. they have a memorial called strawberry fields there. yoko ono still lives in the apartment on the corner. we walked eastward and stumbled on the fountain that is in enchanted and the boat house that was in 27 dresses. we also saw the bow bridge and the statue of alice and wonderland. central park is even more charming than i imagined. authentic new york. later that night we went to one of the staff's apartment in queens, andrea, and ate dessert and played a game called murder (it's kind of like mafia- you know, wholesome christian games...) i love that i can feel like such a little kid with these people i've known less than a month. i feel like i've known some of them forever. like nichole. and jamie. and hannah. i feel such a strange connection to them and know that God hand picked each of us to be here for a reason.
the fourth of july was a wonderful day. i spent the fourth of july in new york, how many can say that??? we went to tim keller's church, Redeemer, in the upper west side. to celebrate the fireworks we went back up to the upper west side on 50th street and 10th avenue to sam's apartment. sam is a woman that went on the inner city ny summer project 2 years ago and now lives here. we ate some dinner and played catchphrase for a while but ended up hanging out with a bunch of gay guys who were also on sam's roof. they were so welcoming and kind even though they knew we were christians. people are worried about getting judged so sometimes they judge us. understandable, i know i do it. anyway, the fireworks were amazing- there were 5 different barges along the hudson shooting off fireworks and we got to see it all!
well- that's about it. actually it's not. there's a lot more but i have to condense it in fear that i might lose your attention... maybe i already have by now and you just skipped down to the bottom to make sure you didn't miss anything big down here. haha.
love to you all!
it has been a while since i've shared what i have been doing besides ministry... it would seem like life is already busy with that... but i'm in a city that never sleeps, therefore neither do i.
friday june 25 is the last time you heard about... here's what has happened since.
on saturday we walked around the village (yes- i am officially a new yorker, i know what the village is. if you don't- google it =P). it's such a cute part of the city, very trendy, very overpriced. we hit up washington square park where the hippies used to hang out- they still do. but there were people there sharing the word and the gospel with others which was cool. people seemed to be engaged in the hymns one group was singing. it was such a classic new york place to be. we walked passed used books kiosks (which i'm dying to stop at one of these days...) and basketball courts. we eventually wondered over to the east side and passed nyu. and then all of the sudden we were in front of our destination... latter 33 =) jamie's dad is a firefighter in california and so he hooked us up with some firefighter friends he met while helping out with the aftermath of 9/11. this was such a sensitive subject. the guys definitely didn't want to talk about it... who can blame them? it is so much more real here in ny than it is anywhere else. the grief is palpable. i feel a deeper sadness being here than i felt the day it happened. anyway, the guys showed us around the firehouse, they were happy to have us there... despite the fact that we were acting like tourists. they were such nice men, i've never been realized how much i admire their strength and courage. we continued on our not realizing that we were in the east village (my favorite neighborhood). oh man, did we have fun checking out all the vintage shops down there. it was so fantastically new york. for dinner we ate some venezuelan empanadas (mmm...)
i am absolutely falling in love with my team. each of these women (...and nathan!) are so unique, have such passionate hearts and are growing tremendously. you know, for so long i have felt like i've needed to "catch up" with my christian friends. i've let myself believe i'm below the curve but in reality we're all growing and learning and struggling. that's what makes us so beautiful. God has used this trip to show me that i am right there with them and they are right there with me.
on sunday we went to bethel assembly of God church in harlem. now, this was a honest to goodness gospel church. the 'choir' consisted of about 6 women and 1 man and they could belt out a tune with more power, force and strength than my high school choirs all put together could. and that's not including the members of the church in the seats with us. i thought someone in the crowd was going to break out in a solo. they even welcomed us so personally. they all got up out of their seats and sang to us, shook our hands, hugged us. i've never felt more special in a church service before. what a concept, eh? we have been showered with appreciation from young and old, believer and nonbeliever, black and white since we've been here. they say new yorkers don't do what you all are doing. my response to that is confusion. it would wear on me to walk passed suffering everyday and pretend not to see it. i couldn't stay here with that mindset for long, i'd never last.
i have come to love our monday night meetings (MnM). it is a time when all of us from tribeca get together, hear about each other's ministries and make new friends. we also worship during this time and get to reflect on what God is up to in New York. this week we talked about confession and repentance which was an awesome topic to talk about because it is something i tend to put on the back burner. the staff here at tribeca have the biggest most humble hearts i have encountered. their stories and lives are incredible testaments to God's love and grace.
i was sick on tuesday =( i spent the day sleeping mostly. i spent some legit time with God. last week i was reading Hosea which seems very appropriate to read while here in the city. i find so many connections between Israel and New York City. both disobedient, both struggling but both dearly loved by God despite all of this. God promises us that He will never let go. He has such genuine and endless compassion for us even when we're running the other direction.
thursday and friday were awesome to say the least. sy rogers (if you don't know who he is you need to go to syrogers.com right now) came and talked to our summer project. he has an amazing story of how God pursued him and lifted him up to be an inspiration to thousands. long story short he used to be gay and the Lord called him into a life that now glorifies him and reaches the unreached. he talked about the things no one wants to talk about but we all deal with: sex. it was uncomfortable, embarrassing and strange. wait scratch that. it was incredibly convicting, comforting and enlightening. i have never felt less ashamed of my struggles in my life and i am now equipped with the knowledge to confront and attack them. and i feel like i have some insight as to how to minister effectively in this area. if you want to know more about it, just let me know. he covered a lot of information and it would take forever for me to write it out here. seriously, let me know if you're interested! or just hit up his website too.
if you ever come to new york go to s'macs in the east village. it's on east 12 st. between 1st and 2nd avenue. seriously.
on friday we went down to the battery and walked on the promenade. we wondered up to ground zero and stood in the world financial center for a while and looked over the construction site. the world trade hotel was just completed. i'm thinking it's going to be at least another 5 years before the new tower is done. they are going to make a beautiful memorial there. i look forward coming back to ny to see it. that night we took the staten island ferry at the most perfect time we could have: sunset. and to make it even better, God was showing off that night too; the sunset was breathe taking. check out my pictures, i think you'll agree.
i am going to miss this city tremendously. i have grown so used to the traffic and people and sights and buildings. coming home to trees and quietness is going to feel so strange.
saturday was such a fun day! i went to central park with nathan, nichole, katelyn, sara and alisha. we went up to 72nd street and central park west which is where john lennon was killed. they have a memorial called strawberry fields there. yoko ono still lives in the apartment on the corner. we walked eastward and stumbled on the fountain that is in enchanted and the boat house that was in 27 dresses. we also saw the bow bridge and the statue of alice and wonderland. central park is even more charming than i imagined. authentic new york. later that night we went to one of the staff's apartment in queens, andrea, and ate dessert and played a game called murder (it's kind of like mafia- you know, wholesome christian games...) i love that i can feel like such a little kid with these people i've known less than a month. i feel like i've known some of them forever. like nichole. and jamie. and hannah. i feel such a strange connection to them and know that God hand picked each of us to be here for a reason.
the fourth of july was a wonderful day. i spent the fourth of july in new york, how many can say that??? we went to tim keller's church, Redeemer, in the upper west side. to celebrate the fireworks we went back up to the upper west side on 50th street and 10th avenue to sam's apartment. sam is a woman that went on the inner city ny summer project 2 years ago and now lives here. we ate some dinner and played catchphrase for a while but ended up hanging out with a bunch of gay guys who were also on sam's roof. they were so welcoming and kind even though they knew we were christians. people are worried about getting judged so sometimes they judge us. understandable, i know i do it. anyway, the fireworks were amazing- there were 5 different barges along the hudson shooting off fireworks and we got to see it all!
well- that's about it. actually it's not. there's a lot more but i have to condense it in fear that i might lose your attention... maybe i already have by now and you just skipped down to the bottom to make sure you didn't miss anything big down here. haha.
love to you all!
Urban Impact
aye, it's been wayyyy too long since i've posted something new; let's pray i can remember! i will say though that 3 days at urban impact was just not enough. i absolutely loved the vision and the heart of this ministry. larry, the program coordinator, has a huge heart for the muslim community. i have never come across someone who cares more for the salvation of this group of people. of course, his passion was to serve whoever the Lord brought his way but his ministry focus is directed at immigrants from South Asia and West Africa. he coordinates ESL (english as a second language) classes in Queens and Brooklyn. they are for anyone, particularly the groups listed above and are completely free. the morning class we helped out with on monday consisted of about 11 to12 people, most from south asia. the women i interacted with were Syeda, Gurbax, Shanti, Syeda Nessa and Indira. I think Syeda and Syeda Nessa were from Pakistan, Gurbax and Shanti were from India and Indira was from Nepal. Indira brought her 10 month old son, Nathan. In Nepal, Indira received her masters in sociology and worked at a non-profit agency that helped refugees. apparently, nepal has a serious problem with maoists and living conditions are far from free and can be scary/ unsafe at times. her husband moved to america 8 years ago for a better life, better schooling, and more money. Indira came about 2 years ago to escape the turmoil and be with her husband. that means that she was away from him for 6 years. apparently that's typical of south asian immigrants. they usually have arranged marriages and don't really like their spouses so being away isn't difficult. i don't know if indira's marriage was arranged... i didn't ask. she said her life, despite the safety conditions, was better in nepal. she had a job, a life... probably got used to being away from her husband... i can't help thinking how many immigrants come here for a better life and don't find it? more than we'd ever admit i imagine... i think what people are searching for in america cannot be found or obtained because it is so flawed. God, on the other hand, well he's definitely not flawed and the home He offers us in Him holds the riches and the peace we all long for. but to indira, God is not a being she worships. she said she worships work which i'm sure she is not the only one. in my opinion it's actually very 'american' of her. i think about people dear to me that worship their work and time and time again it fails to satisfy. jackson heights (the neighborhood in queens that we were in) is a very different place. i've never been exposed to so much muslim/ indian/ hindu culture in my life. there were so many languages being tossed around as we walked down the streets.
i ended up missing the next day (tuesday). my group went to the here's life inner city office in long island city, queens while i laid in bed because i was sick. they told me it was a pretty chill day but they were glowing because of the love they received while they were there. they said that people were so genuinely nice and grateful for them. it makes me realize how hungry we are for kind words in this city and how much of a difference it makes when we hear them. and we're not homeless or poor or destitute. we've only been here for 3 weeks. think about the people that live on the streets, have been there for years, and have no one to give them kind words. they are starved in more ways than one.
on wednesday we got an introduction to muslim faith 101. larry talked about the 5 pillars of faith with us and how we can use those to gather common ground and minister effectively with people of that faith. it was cool to break down my ignorant shield against a religion i have always kind of avoided. after helping out with a few things in the beach house urban impact bought for mission trip groups at rockaway beach, larry took us down to the beach before we headed to brooklyn. we're definitely going back to that beach... in brooklyn we went to a neighborhood that is populated predominately by west africans. most are 2nd generation muslims; 3rd generations were tribal religions. we helped teach at another ESL class there. there was a woman and two men; bentu, ya-ya and ali. ya-ya and ali (the males) were almost fluent in english. it is a good opportunity to teach more about Jesus when they become more fluent so i think that is what class is based upon now. bentu was just learning the alphabet. in fact, when she came in she barely knew lowercase letters and by the time i left she was really understanding lowercase! i was so excited... it seems like such a small feat but i was only with her for a half hour. so just pray that she would learn more just as quickly and use this place a resource. the Lord is using urban impact to reach those that we tend to forget about.
the last day at urban impact was sad for me because i fell so much in love with the ministry focus there. i craved more time and to get to know these people better. but it was certainly a good way to end the week. our vacation bible school that we planned on monday fell through so we planned the major vbs going on july 5th and 6th. our first lesson is on God-given talents, gifts and belongings and how we can share those with our neighbors. we made puzzle pieces that represent how we are each a piece of God's puzzle. We put 1 peter 4:10 on the back of the pieces. It says, "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others." our bible story is about the boy with the bread... i have no idea what piece of scripture this is... the second lesson is about forgiveness since that's more of a christian concept. the kids will make "salvation bracelets" while each color of the beads is explained. (the colors of the beads represent a piece of the gospel; ie sin, blood of the Lamb, life) we used ephesians 1:7 which says "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins," as a verse to explain how we acquired forgiveness through Jesus. later we helped with ESL again. tonight we sat in with the advanced class with 4 women. Carmela (from Mexico, Catholic), Zakiya (from Bangladesh, Muslim), Shan (from Sri Lanka, Buddhist), and Brihasmira (from Nepal, Buddhist). they told us about their lives back at home and here. all of them were married with children. zakiya didn't look a day over 30 but she has a 14 year old daughter! she's probably about 46 years old because she got married when she was 22. it was funny because all of us girls are around 20-22 and we're all single. these women had to laugh a bit at that because they marry so much younger where they're from. they were somewhat interested in christianity. they don't understand the trinity. they think we worship 3 separate gods and mary. it was difficult for them to relate that way. brihasmira believes that there are several different belief patterns that will lead you to God. of this, i have a hard time denying but i believe there is only one doorway to heaven and that is through Jesus Christ. it's not about being moral (which is what Buddhists believes), it's not through works, it's not by eating the actual body and blood of Christ. it is by grace that we have been given a gift and if we say yes to it wholeheartedly that's our ticket to know a God that's greater than the air i breathe. carmela was very quiet about religion. i feel (at least from my own experience as a catholic) religion or God is more a private topic. no one wants to step on anyone's toes, no one wants a debate. which is true, we're not called to debate, we're called to love and share love. His love. zakiya seemed very set as muslim for now. there was a sense of pride for her religion. i trust that God will break down those walls for her as she continues to attend ESL classes through urban impact. shan seemed confused about Buddhism- pray that that is a good in-point for someone else. and buddhism was impersonal for both shan and brihasmira. pray that that is also a good in-point for someone to share the gospel.
overall this was an amazing experience; one that left me wanting more. i feel ill-equipped most of the time here. i trust though that God will fill that. where i lack, God gives grace and strength. where i fail He succeeds.
pray for strength of urban impact. pray for more volunteers and outlets to reach out to. pray for the men and women we encountered this week and that there we seeds planted. seeds that will only grow. pray for our team please. some of us are homesick and tired (like me for example). i don't want to lose sight of this mission, of what the Lord brought us here for. i want to keep my eyes fixed upon Jesus. pray that we wont give satan a foothold here. this is God's city, not the enemy's. he will not distract us from bringing glory to God. pray for my sickness, that God will heal it wholly so i can focus on Him more and more.
i love you all and miss you tremendously. i have fallen deeply in love with this city and know that i will never be able to pretend that what goes on here doesn't exist. it does and will until God's people follow His call to nourish the needy and love the destitute.
God's love and peace to you all!
i ended up missing the next day (tuesday). my group went to the here's life inner city office in long island city, queens while i laid in bed because i was sick. they told me it was a pretty chill day but they were glowing because of the love they received while they were there. they said that people were so genuinely nice and grateful for them. it makes me realize how hungry we are for kind words in this city and how much of a difference it makes when we hear them. and we're not homeless or poor or destitute. we've only been here for 3 weeks. think about the people that live on the streets, have been there for years, and have no one to give them kind words. they are starved in more ways than one.
on wednesday we got an introduction to muslim faith 101. larry talked about the 5 pillars of faith with us and how we can use those to gather common ground and minister effectively with people of that faith. it was cool to break down my ignorant shield against a religion i have always kind of avoided. after helping out with a few things in the beach house urban impact bought for mission trip groups at rockaway beach, larry took us down to the beach before we headed to brooklyn. we're definitely going back to that beach... in brooklyn we went to a neighborhood that is populated predominately by west africans. most are 2nd generation muslims; 3rd generations were tribal religions. we helped teach at another ESL class there. there was a woman and two men; bentu, ya-ya and ali. ya-ya and ali (the males) were almost fluent in english. it is a good opportunity to teach more about Jesus when they become more fluent so i think that is what class is based upon now. bentu was just learning the alphabet. in fact, when she came in she barely knew lowercase letters and by the time i left she was really understanding lowercase! i was so excited... it seems like such a small feat but i was only with her for a half hour. so just pray that she would learn more just as quickly and use this place a resource. the Lord is using urban impact to reach those that we tend to forget about.
the last day at urban impact was sad for me because i fell so much in love with the ministry focus there. i craved more time and to get to know these people better. but it was certainly a good way to end the week. our vacation bible school that we planned on monday fell through so we planned the major vbs going on july 5th and 6th. our first lesson is on God-given talents, gifts and belongings and how we can share those with our neighbors. we made puzzle pieces that represent how we are each a piece of God's puzzle. We put 1 peter 4:10 on the back of the pieces. It says, "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others." our bible story is about the boy with the bread... i have no idea what piece of scripture this is... the second lesson is about forgiveness since that's more of a christian concept. the kids will make "salvation bracelets" while each color of the beads is explained. (the colors of the beads represent a piece of the gospel; ie sin, blood of the Lamb, life) we used ephesians 1:7 which says "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins," as a verse to explain how we acquired forgiveness through Jesus. later we helped with ESL again. tonight we sat in with the advanced class with 4 women. Carmela (from Mexico, Catholic), Zakiya (from Bangladesh, Muslim), Shan (from Sri Lanka, Buddhist), and Brihasmira (from Nepal, Buddhist). they told us about their lives back at home and here. all of them were married with children. zakiya didn't look a day over 30 but she has a 14 year old daughter! she's probably about 46 years old because she got married when she was 22. it was funny because all of us girls are around 20-22 and we're all single. these women had to laugh a bit at that because they marry so much younger where they're from. they were somewhat interested in christianity. they don't understand the trinity. they think we worship 3 separate gods and mary. it was difficult for them to relate that way. brihasmira believes that there are several different belief patterns that will lead you to God. of this, i have a hard time denying but i believe there is only one doorway to heaven and that is through Jesus Christ. it's not about being moral (which is what Buddhists believes), it's not through works, it's not by eating the actual body and blood of Christ. it is by grace that we have been given a gift and if we say yes to it wholeheartedly that's our ticket to know a God that's greater than the air i breathe. carmela was very quiet about religion. i feel (at least from my own experience as a catholic) religion or God is more a private topic. no one wants to step on anyone's toes, no one wants a debate. which is true, we're not called to debate, we're called to love and share love. His love. zakiya seemed very set as muslim for now. there was a sense of pride for her religion. i trust that God will break down those walls for her as she continues to attend ESL classes through urban impact. shan seemed confused about Buddhism- pray that that is a good in-point for someone else. and buddhism was impersonal for both shan and brihasmira. pray that that is also a good in-point for someone to share the gospel.
overall this was an amazing experience; one that left me wanting more. i feel ill-equipped most of the time here. i trust though that God will fill that. where i lack, God gives grace and strength. where i fail He succeeds.
pray for strength of urban impact. pray for more volunteers and outlets to reach out to. pray for the men and women we encountered this week and that there we seeds planted. seeds that will only grow. pray for our team please. some of us are homesick and tired (like me for example). i don't want to lose sight of this mission, of what the Lord brought us here for. i want to keep my eyes fixed upon Jesus. pray that we wont give satan a foothold here. this is God's city, not the enemy's. he will not distract us from bringing glory to God. pray for my sickness, that God will heal it wholly so i can focus on Him more and more.
i love you all and miss you tremendously. i have fallen deeply in love with this city and know that i will never be able to pretend that what goes on here doesn't exist. it does and will until God's people follow His call to nourish the needy and love the destitute.
God's love and peace to you all!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
the people of coney island
Al: Al and Jamie talked for a while. They talked about music; Al performs his own jazz music. He plays the fugal horn (sp?) His nickname for Jamie was L.A.J because Jamie is from SoCal =) We caught his interest while out cleaning up the yard at the mission.
AJ and Sabrina: These two have known each other since childhood. Sabrina is long and lean and wears beautiful dresses. The day we met her she was wearing a long, light and flowy red dress. She was intrigued by our yard work as well but it was the farmer's truck that really caught her attention. When he came to drop off the lettuce, cabbage and onions for the next day's distribution she lit up and was disappointed she wasn't on the list... she then signed up for next week's farmers market. Her friend AJ asked if we wanted help unloading the farmers truck. He says that he doesn't like Coney Island because the people living there were not as sweet as us. Both him and Sabrina live in the projects; they are next-door neighbors. I think AJ likes having us there.... we seemed to brighten up his day with the light conversation that he's not used to having. Him and Sabrina both came back the following day to pick up some pantry items at the food distribution. When we saw them it was like seeing old friends. Time seems to go by more slowly here. Each minute feels like an hour and each day feels like a year. There is just so much to absorb and take in.
Guy in wheelchair (shame on Jamie for not getting this guy's name...=P): This guy wanted us to know how it was done. He comes straight up to the fence and says, 'No, no, no, that's going to take forever. Trust me, grab a rake and rake up the small trash and weeds. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about, I used to be a landscaper.' This man is incredible. He volunteered to help clean up ground zero in the months following 9/11. As a result he breathed in toxic fumes and ashes that deteriorated one of his lungs so badly it had to be removed. He was in a coma from December 6 to 26. He missed Christmas with his two kids and wife. His 9-year-old son just got student of the month for the entire county. This guy has had it rough... he used to be a burly guy, landscaper, healthy. Now he can barely walk from his living room to his kitchen. But do you know what he told Jamie? He still praises God that he has one lung to praise and worship with. Incredible faith.
The neighbors: One of them owned a store next to us and kept bringing us water and ice for free. He didn't speak much english but was curious about what we were doing and watched the yard transform over the week we were there. The neighbor on the other side was a gardener. He owned the community garden next door. His son invited us to come over anytime for fresh vegetables. He seemed so loving of us and our work. Everyone poured love into us this week.
Irving: Irving is a man that volunteers at the mission under conditions of his welfare. Irving was shot in 2002. He was coming home to the projects and a man was in his hallway. Irving had a necklace on that the guy wanted. When he did not follow the robber's commands, the robber shot Irving in the hip. The bullet damaged his bladder. He got inside and called his wife saying he'd been shot. She though he had to be joking but when she heard the pain in his voice she called 911 and rushed home. Irving was able to get a couple thousand from his apartment company because of the unsafe living conditions but the physical damage has kept him out of work. He's 46. He had his first child at 16; Irving told us how he never planned to be a parent that young. His oldest is 30. He has four daughters all together and a step daughter and step son. He said he doesn't even know how many grandchildren he has... off the top of his head at least =P. Irving told us he goes to church further downtown. We're not sure if he is a strong believer but he told us that he loves on everyone in the community. He has stayed out of the gang seen despite the way he dresses and carries himself. He says he just tries to mind his own business and be friendly to everyone... even the trigger happy bullies. He wasn't even phased about a high speed chase that we saw go down after having lunch at Nathan's. He told us that he's seen someone get shot right in front of him and that he's so used to it by now he barely even notices the violence or foul language anymore. It made me really sad for him.
Reverend Fusco: The Rev of the mission has a heart of gold. His passion for Coney Island is unmatched. What an awesome testament to God's empowerment and strength. His wife is a wonderful artist. The Rev is italian but people have always mistaken him to be of latino descent so he learned some spanish... enough to be conversationally fluent. He remains so calm and peaceful in times when all hell is breaking loose. He really encouraged me just through his actions. It is because of him that I have so much hope for this community.
The people of Coney Island are all so different. Some mull around all day... they are on welfare. Some of them are hard at work in their stores or churches. Some hoot and whistle when us 5 white girls walk past them but most of them ask us about the yard work or they thank us for coming or they ask us where we are from or they tell us to have a good day. Some of them say 'God Bless'. A select few look like they don't understand why on earth we would pour our hearts and time into Coney Island- they have given up. Most of them seemed inspired by our actions. They know we are different, just trying to follow God's command, just trying to prove this community's worth. Some of them say nothing. Some of them say too much. All of them look like they're thinking- what it is I do not know. I pray that it is positive. I pray that they are processing... seeing that there are some that still care deeply about the well being of Coney Island. Most of them are appreciative. For our work. To see young people with goals. To see white people. That may sound racist but I think that many white people must avoid downtown Coney Island. They stick to the beach and go back to their 'safe' neighborhood at the end of the day. I was only in Coney Island for 4 days but they captured me. Intrigued me. Got me wanting more.
I pray that wherever I go, whatever I do, my journeys lead me back to Coney Island here and there. It is a place and they are a people I will never forget.
AJ and Sabrina: These two have known each other since childhood. Sabrina is long and lean and wears beautiful dresses. The day we met her she was wearing a long, light and flowy red dress. She was intrigued by our yard work as well but it was the farmer's truck that really caught her attention. When he came to drop off the lettuce, cabbage and onions for the next day's distribution she lit up and was disappointed she wasn't on the list... she then signed up for next week's farmers market. Her friend AJ asked if we wanted help unloading the farmers truck. He says that he doesn't like Coney Island because the people living there were not as sweet as us. Both him and Sabrina live in the projects; they are next-door neighbors. I think AJ likes having us there.... we seemed to brighten up his day with the light conversation that he's not used to having. Him and Sabrina both came back the following day to pick up some pantry items at the food distribution. When we saw them it was like seeing old friends. Time seems to go by more slowly here. Each minute feels like an hour and each day feels like a year. There is just so much to absorb and take in.
Guy in wheelchair (shame on Jamie for not getting this guy's name...=P): This guy wanted us to know how it was done. He comes straight up to the fence and says, 'No, no, no, that's going to take forever. Trust me, grab a rake and rake up the small trash and weeds. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about, I used to be a landscaper.' This man is incredible. He volunteered to help clean up ground zero in the months following 9/11. As a result he breathed in toxic fumes and ashes that deteriorated one of his lungs so badly it had to be removed. He was in a coma from December 6 to 26. He missed Christmas with his two kids and wife. His 9-year-old son just got student of the month for the entire county. This guy has had it rough... he used to be a burly guy, landscaper, healthy. Now he can barely walk from his living room to his kitchen. But do you know what he told Jamie? He still praises God that he has one lung to praise and worship with. Incredible faith.
The neighbors: One of them owned a store next to us and kept bringing us water and ice for free. He didn't speak much english but was curious about what we were doing and watched the yard transform over the week we were there. The neighbor on the other side was a gardener. He owned the community garden next door. His son invited us to come over anytime for fresh vegetables. He seemed so loving of us and our work. Everyone poured love into us this week.
Irving: Irving is a man that volunteers at the mission under conditions of his welfare. Irving was shot in 2002. He was coming home to the projects and a man was in his hallway. Irving had a necklace on that the guy wanted. When he did not follow the robber's commands, the robber shot Irving in the hip. The bullet damaged his bladder. He got inside and called his wife saying he'd been shot. She though he had to be joking but when she heard the pain in his voice she called 911 and rushed home. Irving was able to get a couple thousand from his apartment company because of the unsafe living conditions but the physical damage has kept him out of work. He's 46. He had his first child at 16; Irving told us how he never planned to be a parent that young. His oldest is 30. He has four daughters all together and a step daughter and step son. He said he doesn't even know how many grandchildren he has... off the top of his head at least =P. Irving told us he goes to church further downtown. We're not sure if he is a strong believer but he told us that he loves on everyone in the community. He has stayed out of the gang seen despite the way he dresses and carries himself. He says he just tries to mind his own business and be friendly to everyone... even the trigger happy bullies. He wasn't even phased about a high speed chase that we saw go down after having lunch at Nathan's. He told us that he's seen someone get shot right in front of him and that he's so used to it by now he barely even notices the violence or foul language anymore. It made me really sad for him.
Reverend Fusco: The Rev of the mission has a heart of gold. His passion for Coney Island is unmatched. What an awesome testament to God's empowerment and strength. His wife is a wonderful artist. The Rev is italian but people have always mistaken him to be of latino descent so he learned some spanish... enough to be conversationally fluent. He remains so calm and peaceful in times when all hell is breaking loose. He really encouraged me just through his actions. It is because of him that I have so much hope for this community.
The people of Coney Island are all so different. Some mull around all day... they are on welfare. Some of them are hard at work in their stores or churches. Some hoot and whistle when us 5 white girls walk past them but most of them ask us about the yard work or they thank us for coming or they ask us where we are from or they tell us to have a good day. Some of them say 'God Bless'. A select few look like they don't understand why on earth we would pour our hearts and time into Coney Island- they have given up. Most of them seemed inspired by our actions. They know we are different, just trying to follow God's command, just trying to prove this community's worth. Some of them say nothing. Some of them say too much. All of them look like they're thinking- what it is I do not know. I pray that it is positive. I pray that they are processing... seeing that there are some that still care deeply about the well being of Coney Island. Most of them are appreciative. For our work. To see young people with goals. To see white people. That may sound racist but I think that many white people must avoid downtown Coney Island. They stick to the beach and go back to their 'safe' neighborhood at the end of the day. I was only in Coney Island for 4 days but they captured me. Intrigued me. Got me wanting more.
I pray that wherever I go, whatever I do, my journeys lead me back to Coney Island here and there. It is a place and they are a people I will never forget.
coney island lighthouse mission
day 1 (june 21): what a physically draining day it was. check out the pictures because you will think i'm lying about the next sentence. we walked into a 60x20 backyard covered in weeds that were waist high. miss denise, the program coordinator, asked, "is this too much." reluctantly we all answered no but we knew we had a task in front of us. i have to tell you how much grace the Lord poured into me because there were tiny spiders crawling all over my legs and biting me and i kept working. that was God right there because if you know me, you know that i HATE bugs with a burning passion. they're one of God's creation that i could definitely live without. from 9 to 12 we pulled most of the weeds (that, praise God, were actually really easy to pull!) miss denise sent us off to a much needed lunch break. we were absolutely covered in dirt. in our ears, on our legs and arms, in our fingernails, in our hair, on our faces, between toes, in our eyes... covered. the think that makes me chuckle is that i specifically told God i wanted to get my hands dirty for Him while i was in ny. i meant it in a metaphoric sense but God answered my prayer in a literal way. praise Jesus for that because it was awesome to see that transformation. it was palpable. coney island is so incredible diverse. us 5 white girls were the odd ones out for the first time (for me anyway...) it was incredibly challenging to confront the stereotypes i didn't even realize i held. the people there trumped many of them within the first day. after lunch we came back for another couple hours of yard work. there was so much trash underneath all of the weeds, it looked like a landfill. i was so full of praise to be provided with this job though because we saw just how much this church needed this chore to be done. we were exhausted... and sweaty... and dirty... but the after school program was still another task on the list. i think we perked up when the kids came in and we saw how great they were. Amoyea, Jesus (DJ), Amaya, Jennifer, Wei Lon, Adolfo, Jarrell, and Miriam were the kids that came in today. please pray for these by name. they are such urban kids. they have grown up seeing more than kids in longmont, colorado will ever see in their life. amoyea told me the story of the gospel. i don't actually know if she knows what it means or believes it fully but there was a light in her eye when she told it to me. after telling me the story of the gospel and reciting john 3:16 and psalm 23 to me she sang some psalms of david to me. she is a little diva. look for her on american idol in a couple of years, she could make it. the influence of living in the city is so strong for these kids and their parents.
day 2 (june 22): another busy day! i think my joy level was a lot higher, God definitely renewed my energy. it seemed as though our team leaned more on the Holy Spirit that the day before. we relied on Him to provide us strength and joy. we had to use our muscles a lot today; we unloaded boxes from the food trailer into the church. after that we packaged bags for pantry distribution that happened later that night after we left. this mission has food distributions every tuesday and thursday. on thursdays they also have fresh produce from a farm in new jersey that donates his crops to the cause. i pray that he will help the mission plant their own garden in the newly cleaned yard! we got to eat lunch on the boardwalk and walk on the beach. the ocean has never looked more tempting. new york is so hot and humid that the second you step out of the ac, you're already sweating. we felt so gross all week. when we came back we got to meet Reverend Fusco! what an awesome man of God. he is so calm and gentle. he has such a passion for the community of coney island. we also met winnie... i think she's another program coordinator. she's only a few years older than us so we connected with her quickly. we headed back into the yard to clean up the weeds along the building and start picking up all the trash. we have found 4 needles in the yard... 3 of them had insulin labels on them but still, it is very possible that these needles were used for intravenous drugs. please pray for that. instead of just staring at us through the fence like the day before, people started coming up to us and asking about the yard and us and why we were here. we got many compliments about how nice it looked. one girl walked by asking if the mission needed volunteers. in a way i think we're helping cultivate a sense of community by doing this yard work. see, many people on coney island are on welfare and seem to mull around all day. they have probably walked past this yard for a while thinking nothing about it. then we come and show them that their community is worth it and there is a new sense of worth developing- at least, i pray. we actually got most of it cleaned before the kids came for after school. again- we were dirty and sweaty but the kids didn't care. they were so open to us- not shy at all! there were 3 new kids today... the twins ( i cannot for the life of me remember their names) and Marcel. Wei Lon has a lot of catching up to do on her reading. she doesn't know how to sound out words. i think mandarin is the language spoken at home but still- she didn't know how to say the word 'him' and she's in second grade. she doesn't like reading at all either. amoyea on the other hand loves to read! she read out loud most of the time and i really enjoyed listening to her enthusiasm! saying goodbye was even harder than the day before... uh oh!
day 3 (june 23): today was an EARLY day! we got to the mission at 8:00 means that we left manhattan at 6:45 which means that we got up at like 6:15.... sleeeepy! but working outside woke us up and guess what? we got the entire yard cleaned and weeded out! it looks incredible... healthy... a place that can be made beautiful. there was one corner that took us from 8 to 12 because it was so filled with trash and vines. the bugs in this corner were huge and actually, believe it or not, we found a possum skull. yuuuup. it was kinda cool actually but we couldn't help but wonder how and why and for how long? haha. we ate lunch at the original nathan's hot dog stand on the boardwalk. it was sooo good, a much needed treat! more of God's grace pouring out into us because we all wanted to quit. it was His strength solely that was my strength today. none of it was me. we are really starting to see how these people live day-to-day now. it is slowly breaking my heart. there are so many young mothers. unmarried. on welfare. i can't help but see just how vast the work is ahead of us. the cycle just continues. i start to wonder if i am cut out for this. i pray that i am not. as stupid as that sounds. but it scares me, just how overwhelming it is. i want that burden, but i don't at the same time. i ask myself and God if i am strong enough to stomach this for more than 5 weeks? there's a part of me that wants to run away from this and just pretend that it doesn't exist. just put it out of sight out of mind. but thankfully, God has burned it into my mind so much so that if i try to run, it will haunt me. i trust completely that God will reveal the answer to me in time and that if this is what He is calling me to, He will give the strength and the stomach to do it according to His will. i have to keep reminding myself that my life is for His will, not my own. please pray for that.
day 4 (june 24): here comes the fun part.... hear the sarcasm. today.... today... oh, today.... was a challenging day to say the very very verrrrrry least. but i cannot describe to you how very thankful i was for it. today was a big food distribution day. sounds harmless right? piece of cake is what i remember saying to myself during the first one before lunch. it went smoothly. although we had to turn a few away, my heart was still completely intact. but after lunch the day quickly turned dark. somehow the mission received a food order they weren't expecting. because of this there wasn't enough room in the trailer for all of the food we had to do a second distribution. this time there were perishables like chicken and yogurt and franks and green peppers. it was an incredibly hot day and the distribution was held outside. people started lining up about an hour before and we were still waiting for the truck to fully unload. people were getting so hot and impatient. our team really had no clue what we were doing so when we got conflicting orders we were so confused and just started letting people grab what they needed and go. for this, we got yelled at... and people got angry. we really saw the desperation of these people. all they wanted to do is to provide their families with real food... chicken must be like gourmet to them. once we got the truck completely unloaded we let the volunteers and the handicapped people have first dibs. there was one woman in a wheelchair that had to have weighed close to 300 pounds that would just not move out of the way. she just kept complaining... about what, i could not tell you. i asked her to stop yelling at us, leave us alone and that i didn't know what else i could do for her and she just looked at me with such disdain. it was like a game to her, which i didn't understand and it hurt. we started distributing to the line but nothing we gave them satisfied them (generally speaking- most of the people were thankful but it only took a select few to make the experience difficult). they kept demanding more. it was like they thought we were trying to rip them off, like we were purposely withholding from them. one man got so angry he threw down his bag and stomped away. a chinese woman wanted a package of meat that was intended for big families only she kept motioning for me to sneak it into her bag. i had to say no to her and her face will be burned into my memory for a very long time. she looked crushed. she didn't understand why i wasn't giving her something she needed. i had to yell at a french woman to leave. i had to yell at someone that has to fight to bring food home to her family. do you know how heart wrenching that was? i have this very vivid picture in my head of this day that i both want to forget and remember forever. it's not fair. the gap between rich and poor. nourished and suppressed. strong and weak. it's not fair. it was such a dog eat dog experience, seeing the desperation for food that WILL NOT SATISFY. i prayed for ability to be like Jesus in that moment because i felt so hopeless in my own skin. i knew the only thing that would satisfy their hunger was to know the love and power of Jesus Christ. but i couldn't give it to them at that exact moment. i was me. insufficient. weak. powerless. hopeless. meek. small. and that was a very dark feeling. time with the kids was rehearsed and shallow. i couldn't pull my mind away from what had happened, what i had seen at the distribution. i kept replaying it over and over in my mind. on the way to the subway i tried to call my mom and larissa. thankfully neither of them picked up because i was trying to run away from the one i knew i had to talk to first... God. so on the subway i let Him have it. i told Him how angry i was about the situation. how helpless i felt. how unfair it was. and do you know what He did? He allowed me to rest in Him. He summoned me into such a peaceful and calm place, He told me just how much He was in control. He reminded me of His sovereignty. He provided me with scripture that healed me emotionally and spiritually. He brought me from a place of turmoil to a place of contentment. He brought me joy in the midst of this and reminded me of all the good things about today. and then i was ok. and then i saw the bigger picture and that is that Jesus already defeated this. He promised us one day He would be back and on this day we would all take part of a kingdom so high and mighty there will be no more tears, pain or fears. when the burdens of this place will fall away and we can spend an eternity with our creator. it was also comforting to know that even though my heart hurt so much for these people, God's heart hurt even more. and unlike me, He has to power to fix this. He already knows how He will do it and if that's not comforting i don't know what is.
if one thing is certain about coney island it is that the Lord is already very much alive and working there.
God Bless.
day 2 (june 22): another busy day! i think my joy level was a lot higher, God definitely renewed my energy. it seemed as though our team leaned more on the Holy Spirit that the day before. we relied on Him to provide us strength and joy. we had to use our muscles a lot today; we unloaded boxes from the food trailer into the church. after that we packaged bags for pantry distribution that happened later that night after we left. this mission has food distributions every tuesday and thursday. on thursdays they also have fresh produce from a farm in new jersey that donates his crops to the cause. i pray that he will help the mission plant their own garden in the newly cleaned yard! we got to eat lunch on the boardwalk and walk on the beach. the ocean has never looked more tempting. new york is so hot and humid that the second you step out of the ac, you're already sweating. we felt so gross all week. when we came back we got to meet Reverend Fusco! what an awesome man of God. he is so calm and gentle. he has such a passion for the community of coney island. we also met winnie... i think she's another program coordinator. she's only a few years older than us so we connected with her quickly. we headed back into the yard to clean up the weeds along the building and start picking up all the trash. we have found 4 needles in the yard... 3 of them had insulin labels on them but still, it is very possible that these needles were used for intravenous drugs. please pray for that. instead of just staring at us through the fence like the day before, people started coming up to us and asking about the yard and us and why we were here. we got many compliments about how nice it looked. one girl walked by asking if the mission needed volunteers. in a way i think we're helping cultivate a sense of community by doing this yard work. see, many people on coney island are on welfare and seem to mull around all day. they have probably walked past this yard for a while thinking nothing about it. then we come and show them that their community is worth it and there is a new sense of worth developing- at least, i pray. we actually got most of it cleaned before the kids came for after school. again- we were dirty and sweaty but the kids didn't care. they were so open to us- not shy at all! there were 3 new kids today... the twins ( i cannot for the life of me remember their names) and Marcel. Wei Lon has a lot of catching up to do on her reading. she doesn't know how to sound out words. i think mandarin is the language spoken at home but still- she didn't know how to say the word 'him' and she's in second grade. she doesn't like reading at all either. amoyea on the other hand loves to read! she read out loud most of the time and i really enjoyed listening to her enthusiasm! saying goodbye was even harder than the day before... uh oh!
day 3 (june 23): today was an EARLY day! we got to the mission at 8:00 means that we left manhattan at 6:45 which means that we got up at like 6:15.... sleeeepy! but working outside woke us up and guess what? we got the entire yard cleaned and weeded out! it looks incredible... healthy... a place that can be made beautiful. there was one corner that took us from 8 to 12 because it was so filled with trash and vines. the bugs in this corner were huge and actually, believe it or not, we found a possum skull. yuuuup. it was kinda cool actually but we couldn't help but wonder how and why and for how long? haha. we ate lunch at the original nathan's hot dog stand on the boardwalk. it was sooo good, a much needed treat! more of God's grace pouring out into us because we all wanted to quit. it was His strength solely that was my strength today. none of it was me. we are really starting to see how these people live day-to-day now. it is slowly breaking my heart. there are so many young mothers. unmarried. on welfare. i can't help but see just how vast the work is ahead of us. the cycle just continues. i start to wonder if i am cut out for this. i pray that i am not. as stupid as that sounds. but it scares me, just how overwhelming it is. i want that burden, but i don't at the same time. i ask myself and God if i am strong enough to stomach this for more than 5 weeks? there's a part of me that wants to run away from this and just pretend that it doesn't exist. just put it out of sight out of mind. but thankfully, God has burned it into my mind so much so that if i try to run, it will haunt me. i trust completely that God will reveal the answer to me in time and that if this is what He is calling me to, He will give the strength and the stomach to do it according to His will. i have to keep reminding myself that my life is for His will, not my own. please pray for that.
day 4 (june 24): here comes the fun part.... hear the sarcasm. today.... today... oh, today.... was a challenging day to say the very very verrrrrry least. but i cannot describe to you how very thankful i was for it. today was a big food distribution day. sounds harmless right? piece of cake is what i remember saying to myself during the first one before lunch. it went smoothly. although we had to turn a few away, my heart was still completely intact. but after lunch the day quickly turned dark. somehow the mission received a food order they weren't expecting. because of this there wasn't enough room in the trailer for all of the food we had to do a second distribution. this time there were perishables like chicken and yogurt and franks and green peppers. it was an incredibly hot day and the distribution was held outside. people started lining up about an hour before and we were still waiting for the truck to fully unload. people were getting so hot and impatient. our team really had no clue what we were doing so when we got conflicting orders we were so confused and just started letting people grab what they needed and go. for this, we got yelled at... and people got angry. we really saw the desperation of these people. all they wanted to do is to provide their families with real food... chicken must be like gourmet to them. once we got the truck completely unloaded we let the volunteers and the handicapped people have first dibs. there was one woman in a wheelchair that had to have weighed close to 300 pounds that would just not move out of the way. she just kept complaining... about what, i could not tell you. i asked her to stop yelling at us, leave us alone and that i didn't know what else i could do for her and she just looked at me with such disdain. it was like a game to her, which i didn't understand and it hurt. we started distributing to the line but nothing we gave them satisfied them (generally speaking- most of the people were thankful but it only took a select few to make the experience difficult). they kept demanding more. it was like they thought we were trying to rip them off, like we were purposely withholding from them. one man got so angry he threw down his bag and stomped away. a chinese woman wanted a package of meat that was intended for big families only she kept motioning for me to sneak it into her bag. i had to say no to her and her face will be burned into my memory for a very long time. she looked crushed. she didn't understand why i wasn't giving her something she needed. i had to yell at a french woman to leave. i had to yell at someone that has to fight to bring food home to her family. do you know how heart wrenching that was? i have this very vivid picture in my head of this day that i both want to forget and remember forever. it's not fair. the gap between rich and poor. nourished and suppressed. strong and weak. it's not fair. it was such a dog eat dog experience, seeing the desperation for food that WILL NOT SATISFY. i prayed for ability to be like Jesus in that moment because i felt so hopeless in my own skin. i knew the only thing that would satisfy their hunger was to know the love and power of Jesus Christ. but i couldn't give it to them at that exact moment. i was me. insufficient. weak. powerless. hopeless. meek. small. and that was a very dark feeling. time with the kids was rehearsed and shallow. i couldn't pull my mind away from what had happened, what i had seen at the distribution. i kept replaying it over and over in my mind. on the way to the subway i tried to call my mom and larissa. thankfully neither of them picked up because i was trying to run away from the one i knew i had to talk to first... God. so on the subway i let Him have it. i told Him how angry i was about the situation. how helpless i felt. how unfair it was. and do you know what He did? He allowed me to rest in Him. He summoned me into such a peaceful and calm place, He told me just how much He was in control. He reminded me of His sovereignty. He provided me with scripture that healed me emotionally and spiritually. He brought me from a place of turmoil to a place of contentment. He brought me joy in the midst of this and reminded me of all the good things about today. and then i was ok. and then i saw the bigger picture and that is that Jesus already defeated this. He promised us one day He would be back and on this day we would all take part of a kingdom so high and mighty there will be no more tears, pain or fears. when the burdens of this place will fall away and we can spend an eternity with our creator. it was also comforting to know that even though my heart hurt so much for these people, God's heart hurt even more. and unlike me, He has to power to fix this. He already knows how He will do it and if that's not comforting i don't know what is.
if one thing is certain about coney island it is that the Lord is already very much alive and working there.
God Bless.
Friday, June 25, 2010
summer in the city
what a long week and a half it has been since the last time i wrote! forgive me, i am sick. yeah. it was bound to happen!
day four we just had some more training... i think... then we got together with the whole project and explored the museum of modern art. it was... interesting to say the least. it was cool to see the original works of van gogh and picasso but the rest of the stuff i didnt really care about. it was a bit strange for my taste... after that we set out looking for an indian restaurant. we didn't really realize that we were in an extremely rich part of town until we saw the ferrari and mercedes stores. that's when i suggested going to a less rich part of the city.
well, some exciting news. i have a boyfriend and his name is Lower East Side. it's pretty serious and don't judge because though i've only known him a week it has felt like a lifetime! juuuuust kidding. but seriously, the lower east side in manhattan is the most exciting and the cutest place here in the city. it's quiet; no tourists! by the time we arrived all of us were tired and starving so we stopped at a japanese restaurant. jamie and i ate sashimi, which was oh so delicious. we plan to make trips to the lower east side a regular event.
day five... this is why i need to write more often than once a week... all i can remember is that for dinner we went to the seinfeld restaurant in the upper west side. it was a couple of blocks from the hudson. the restaurant is called tom's restaurant. it was fun to hang out with the girls and get to know them even better. after eating we went to herald square for more shopping... yeah, i know... well, some of us had to go to the bathroom so we figured there had to be a ton of bathrooms in macy's right??? wrong. there was one all the way up on the seventh floor. there were literally employees directing traffic to the bathrooms. it was the strangest bathroom ordeal i've ever experienced.
day six was also a blur. we went to church at City Church in Manhattan near times square. the service was ok... i personally didn't really connect with the pastor but it was still a good experience! after church a big group of us went to planet hollywood for lunch. very expensive restaurant but there were a bunch of trinkets and such from movies. it was definitely a good choice to go and experience that. i really have no clue what else happened on sunday...
day seven was the first day of our ministry site... please read coney island blog (coming soon) to read about our experience there. afterwards, the arts track held a worship night at the monday night meeting. it was great, after being so physically tired to worship and praise God for a couple of hours. tribeca is an amazing project, there are some really great people apart of this! a couple of girls did an interpretive-like dance that was beautiful, there was some singing and guitar playing. it was just what i needed.
day eight continued at our ministry site. action groups (bible study) followed. we are doing a series about compassion for the poor. we are starting to see what poverty really means and who it affects and how it happens. it is absolutely heartbreaking but such an awesome thing to grow in knowledge about.
day nine continued at our ministry site as well. after a day of strenuous work we were provided with the opportunity to get dressed up and go to Mary Poppins on broadway! it was so awesome. first we went to dinner at my favorite place in times square- juniors. their cheesecake is to die for! and the show was absolutely incredible. the set was amazing the way it changed and moved around. burt walked on the ceiling, mary flew with her umbrella. there was tap dancing, ballet dancing... the singing was great. it has reached the top of my list that's for sure!
day nine was the last day at our ministry site. after we went to queens for our track night at the hlic office in long island city. see, in queens, people will say which neighborhood they live in instead of saying that they live in queens. it's because it's so big! our speaker lisa... i can't remember her last name.... talked about reconciliation of God's people with each other. the main focus was on black and white people because of the vast history between us. it was extremely helpful and convicting! ... i keep falling asleep...
day ten (today) i slept most of the day to try to get over this stinkin' cold. i got up for a couple of hours to have discipleship time with sam and amanda. we talked about spiritual warfare. what a perfect topic to end such a trying week. then tonight we went to a mets game. i wore my boston hat and didn't get harassed! it was a fun time but i couldn't yell because of my cold. =( the mets won, i may or may not have gotten on tv in minnesota because i was surrounded by signs that said CIRCLE ME BURT. he's a sportscaster in minnesota for the twins who circles fans on his tv while reading the highlights. after coming back to the village we went to a dessert place called sweetie pie. wayyyyy overpriced for what it was but it was cute none the less.
ok... time for bed i am falling asleep. tomorrow i will write about our ministry site Coney Island Lighthouse Mission... night!
day four we just had some more training... i think... then we got together with the whole project and explored the museum of modern art. it was... interesting to say the least. it was cool to see the original works of van gogh and picasso but the rest of the stuff i didnt really care about. it was a bit strange for my taste... after that we set out looking for an indian restaurant. we didn't really realize that we were in an extremely rich part of town until we saw the ferrari and mercedes stores. that's when i suggested going to a less rich part of the city.
well, some exciting news. i have a boyfriend and his name is Lower East Side. it's pretty serious and don't judge because though i've only known him a week it has felt like a lifetime! juuuuust kidding. but seriously, the lower east side in manhattan is the most exciting and the cutest place here in the city. it's quiet; no tourists! by the time we arrived all of us were tired and starving so we stopped at a japanese restaurant. jamie and i ate sashimi, which was oh so delicious. we plan to make trips to the lower east side a regular event.
day five... this is why i need to write more often than once a week... all i can remember is that for dinner we went to the seinfeld restaurant in the upper west side. it was a couple of blocks from the hudson. the restaurant is called tom's restaurant. it was fun to hang out with the girls and get to know them even better. after eating we went to herald square for more shopping... yeah, i know... well, some of us had to go to the bathroom so we figured there had to be a ton of bathrooms in macy's right??? wrong. there was one all the way up on the seventh floor. there were literally employees directing traffic to the bathrooms. it was the strangest bathroom ordeal i've ever experienced.
day six was also a blur. we went to church at City Church in Manhattan near times square. the service was ok... i personally didn't really connect with the pastor but it was still a good experience! after church a big group of us went to planet hollywood for lunch. very expensive restaurant but there were a bunch of trinkets and such from movies. it was definitely a good choice to go and experience that. i really have no clue what else happened on sunday...
day seven was the first day of our ministry site... please read coney island blog (coming soon) to read about our experience there. afterwards, the arts track held a worship night at the monday night meeting. it was great, after being so physically tired to worship and praise God for a couple of hours. tribeca is an amazing project, there are some really great people apart of this! a couple of girls did an interpretive-like dance that was beautiful, there was some singing and guitar playing. it was just what i needed.
day eight continued at our ministry site. action groups (bible study) followed. we are doing a series about compassion for the poor. we are starting to see what poverty really means and who it affects and how it happens. it is absolutely heartbreaking but such an awesome thing to grow in knowledge about.
day nine continued at our ministry site as well. after a day of strenuous work we were provided with the opportunity to get dressed up and go to Mary Poppins on broadway! it was so awesome. first we went to dinner at my favorite place in times square- juniors. their cheesecake is to die for! and the show was absolutely incredible. the set was amazing the way it changed and moved around. burt walked on the ceiling, mary flew with her umbrella. there was tap dancing, ballet dancing... the singing was great. it has reached the top of my list that's for sure!
day nine was the last day at our ministry site. after we went to queens for our track night at the hlic office in long island city. see, in queens, people will say which neighborhood they live in instead of saying that they live in queens. it's because it's so big! our speaker lisa... i can't remember her last name.... talked about reconciliation of God's people with each other. the main focus was on black and white people because of the vast history between us. it was extremely helpful and convicting! ... i keep falling asleep...
day ten (today) i slept most of the day to try to get over this stinkin' cold. i got up for a couple of hours to have discipleship time with sam and amanda. we talked about spiritual warfare. what a perfect topic to end such a trying week. then tonight we went to a mets game. i wore my boston hat and didn't get harassed! it was a fun time but i couldn't yell because of my cold. =( the mets won, i may or may not have gotten on tv in minnesota because i was surrounded by signs that said CIRCLE ME BURT. he's a sportscaster in minnesota for the twins who circles fans on his tv while reading the highlights. after coming back to the village we went to a dessert place called sweetie pie. wayyyyy overpriced for what it was but it was cute none the less.
ok... time for bed i am falling asleep. tomorrow i will write about our ministry site Coney Island Lighthouse Mission... night!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
the world's greatest city
hello all from new york! the Lord got me here safely and i am only on day three but in love with this city all over again!
day one i arrived at laguardia and met up with another girl from colorado and we shared a cab to the herald towers in midtown manhattan. then we took the subway (which is extremely HOTTTT this time of year!) to our home for the next 5 weeks which is the Markle Evangeline Residence in greenwich village no less. we took a short walk past a movie set (mildred pierce starring kate winslet). we took some pictures with some of the extras dressed in their 1920's garp. then we had dinner at with our entire group (there are 120 staff and students involved with tribeca this summer!)
day two came early. we had some orientation stuff and then went out in a group. our group went to lower manhattan and saw the wtc site. the tower were tower #7 stood is almost done. we looked at a memorial plaque on the side of a firehouse right next to the site for a while and then moved on to the trinity church. the church graveyard is older than our country! there were grave stones dating back to the 1740s. this church is the site where alexander hamilton and john watts are buried. the movie national treasure takes place here! right next to the church is wall street. i'd been there before so it was really no new sight. still a very busy place and lots to look at down there. federal hall is on wall street and this is the place where george washington was inaugurated. then we went to rockefeller center and viewed the entire city from the top of it. central park is absolutely beautiful... lush and green as could be! dinner was a cosi which will probably become a regular for me. it's really awesome sandwiches, soups and salads with a mediterranean taste.
day three was probably my favorite thus far. we ventured with our discipleship groups to some ministry sites in the lower east side. this is a part of the city that was literally abandoned twenty years ago because of the skyrocketing crime rate. the first was graffiti church. they reach out to children and youth in the area. they have a ged course available and many programs for kids and youth to get plugged in and away from the streets. then we went to abounding grace ministries. the founder is doing an awesome thing in that neighborhood. he has brought gang members to Christ, "adopted" several children around the area and raised his own children to love the Lord and have the same heart he does for the neighborhood. the last ministry was called the bowery mission. we had the opportunity to sit and eat with the homeless men apart of the program and heard many of their stories. we even heard some very powerful testimonies and it was just a very encouraging time. it made me think of my brother and i pray that someday he will have an awesome testament to faith as well! then we had dessert in little italy which was AMAZING!! i had a cannoli; oh so delicious, praise the Lord for sweet ricotta cream! we walked around china town a bit and then went to herald square for a bit of shopping. now here i am!
most powerful experiences thus far: praying over the city in the morning from the roof of the markle which has an amazing view of most of manhattan. hearing the testimonies to faith from men that came from nothing and now are co-heirs with Christ. connecting with women (and a couple of men) from all over this country that are so beautiful and unique in their own ways.
ways to pray from us: to be a witness of Christ 24/7. we want to stand against the crowd and be bold for the gospel. but we must depend on the Spirit to give us the strength and grace necessary to do this. also that the Lord is preparing the hearts of our team and those we will interact with over the next five weeks. for the ministries we visited today. for our feet! walking is a common activity here =)
know that i am praying for your summers and i love you all so much!
in Christ,
aly (or as they call me here... son =P)
day one i arrived at laguardia and met up with another girl from colorado and we shared a cab to the herald towers in midtown manhattan. then we took the subway (which is extremely HOTTTT this time of year!) to our home for the next 5 weeks which is the Markle Evangeline Residence in greenwich village no less. we took a short walk past a movie set (mildred pierce starring kate winslet). we took some pictures with some of the extras dressed in their 1920's garp. then we had dinner at with our entire group (there are 120 staff and students involved with tribeca this summer!)
day two came early. we had some orientation stuff and then went out in a group. our group went to lower manhattan and saw the wtc site. the tower were tower #7 stood is almost done. we looked at a memorial plaque on the side of a firehouse right next to the site for a while and then moved on to the trinity church. the church graveyard is older than our country! there were grave stones dating back to the 1740s. this church is the site where alexander hamilton and john watts are buried. the movie national treasure takes place here! right next to the church is wall street. i'd been there before so it was really no new sight. still a very busy place and lots to look at down there. federal hall is on wall street and this is the place where george washington was inaugurated. then we went to rockefeller center and viewed the entire city from the top of it. central park is absolutely beautiful... lush and green as could be! dinner was a cosi which will probably become a regular for me. it's really awesome sandwiches, soups and salads with a mediterranean taste.
day three was probably my favorite thus far. we ventured with our discipleship groups to some ministry sites in the lower east side. this is a part of the city that was literally abandoned twenty years ago because of the skyrocketing crime rate. the first was graffiti church. they reach out to children and youth in the area. they have a ged course available and many programs for kids and youth to get plugged in and away from the streets. then we went to abounding grace ministries. the founder is doing an awesome thing in that neighborhood. he has brought gang members to Christ, "adopted" several children around the area and raised his own children to love the Lord and have the same heart he does for the neighborhood. the last ministry was called the bowery mission. we had the opportunity to sit and eat with the homeless men apart of the program and heard many of their stories. we even heard some very powerful testimonies and it was just a very encouraging time. it made me think of my brother and i pray that someday he will have an awesome testament to faith as well! then we had dessert in little italy which was AMAZING!! i had a cannoli; oh so delicious, praise the Lord for sweet ricotta cream! we walked around china town a bit and then went to herald square for a bit of shopping. now here i am!
most powerful experiences thus far: praying over the city in the morning from the roof of the markle which has an amazing view of most of manhattan. hearing the testimonies to faith from men that came from nothing and now are co-heirs with Christ. connecting with women (and a couple of men) from all over this country that are so beautiful and unique in their own ways.
ways to pray from us: to be a witness of Christ 24/7. we want to stand against the crowd and be bold for the gospel. but we must depend on the Spirit to give us the strength and grace necessary to do this. also that the Lord is preparing the hearts of our team and those we will interact with over the next five weeks. for the ministries we visited today. for our feet! walking is a common activity here =)
know that i am praying for your summers and i love you all so much!
in Christ,
aly (or as they call me here... son =P)
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